Being Friendly

Every day for the past week, I have had to wait as there is only one lane open on 267 due to those guys who cut down trees on the sides of the road and make wood chips out of them. Haha...I'm not sure I'd call it construction, but I guess it could be considered "road work" even though they're not working on the road. Anyway, they have their little "STOP" and "SLOW" signs [which, by the way, I've always wanted to be one of the people who get to talk on the walkie-talkies and turn the signs]. So, usually when I go by those guys [or girls] that are doing the signs, I don't bother to look at them. I guess I don't really think about it. But, for the past week, I've passed them almost 4 times every day. So this morning, I decided to actually give a glance at the guys that were doing the signs....and don't ya know, they smiled and waved. I definitely was not expecting that out of them so the next time I went by I made sure to smile. I just think nowadays, people are too involved in themselves and too caught up in what they have to do, where they have to be, and what time they have to be there to even have the decency to look around and maybe offer a friendly smile to a fellow human being. Eh, anyway, that's about it...

"Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day." ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

prayer through song

Sometimes I am too overwhelmed to pray. Not only can I not speak the words I want to speak to the Lord, but I cannot even think them. It's like when you're standing there in front of someone and you just want to say something, anything...but you can't think of anything to say so you just stand there with your mouth open and your palms upward, silently apologizing for not being able to speak. There are times when my heart longs for my voice to pour out praises to God, but His goodness is so powerful and overtaking that I just can't. Then there are times, like right now, when I feel so lost and scared and alone, that I can't even cry out. I know He knows what's in my heart, but I still want to tell Him. It's during these very times that I often rely on the wonderfully expressed words of songwriters that so vividly portray my heart's cry. I listen to songs and use them as a prayer when I can't get a prayer to leave my lips.
Tonight is one of those nights. Funny thing is, I've been sitting here for over 5 minutes trying to figure out what to write about what I'm feeling and what I'm going through or just anything...and well I just can't. So, here's my prayer for tonight...

He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

chorus:
And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

chorus

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

chorus

Sigh

Last night I cried/prayed myself to sleep...there's TONS of things just weighing on my heart and mind and it's so hard to give them all over to the Lord...apparently I'm a control freak when it comes to that.

Moving to Florida?

There's a possibility (I'd say it's a big possibility) that I could be moving back to Florida to teach in the fall. I'm not telling too many people so I thought it would be okay if I wrote it on here because only a few (probably more like no) people read this. So, even though it's on the internet, I find it relatively safe!
ANYWAYS, back to my original statement...I could be moving back to Florida. Here's the deal...my freshman year of college, I had a senior roommate named Sarah. Sarah now teaches at a Christian school in Port St. Lucie, Florida, on the east coast. She has been bugging me since January that I really should send my resume down to the school. They are expanding and looking to get rid of some not-so-great teachers and get some good ones in. The funny things is, Sarah's mom is the administrator and her parents have actually taken me out to dinner when Sarah was in school and I've met her mom on several occasions. So, at least there's not the fear of meeting the administrator, right? I say all that to say that I mailed my resume yesterday. I am *hoping* I get a call from them and I am *hoping* I can get a interview. I am praying a lot about this. So far, it seems like it is the Lord's will for me. PLUS! Sarah owns a house and would love for my to live with her...that takes care of the finding housing issue!

So, right now, I am waiting. And that's one of the hardest things to do...so if you read this, I would appreciate your prayers! Thanks!

Subbing

Just a quick update...

I have been blessed with a few subbing jobs at RCCA. On Friday I got to teach 6th grade. They are so talky and energetic...but what 6th grader isn't, right?
Tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I get to sub for 2 basic high school Math classes each day. It'll only be about 2 hours a day, which is fine with me. And Math??? Me??? Really??? But...it should be alright...haha we can hope!

Tomorrow I will be going back to Sam's Club [yet again] to see if I can get a job. I'll take anything really....anything that will give me a schedule and not just getting random sub calls. Hopefully this week I will be able to do some more running and stuff if it's warm enough. I really need to. Not only do I feel fat, but I need to start training for the summer.

Alright...enough. Until next time...

Two Posts in One Day?? Overload??

Haha sooo I'm incredibly bored and I have some things on my mind and really have nobody to talk to...so yes, second post in one day. Be impressed.

So I have this list. I guess before I knew you were supposed to call it a "Bucket List", I made something called, "My List of Things To Do Before I Die". I've had the list for I'd say about a year now. There are a total of 25 things on the list. And I have done.....drumroll pleeeeeeease.....2 of them. Now, it is true that I actually have this list typed up in a Word document. Then, when I finish one, I go in and hit the strikethrough button [which I find very rewarding....crossing things off lists has always been like that for me!] Oh...it's serious business. Oh and I'm also putting months and years by the crossed out items so I can look back and see when I did something. I do not intend to share the things that are on the list until I have completed them. I was begged into sharing some of them with a friend, but he only got the ones that were not too personal. But, I figure, that once I've completed something on the list, it would be okay to tell everyone what I've accomplished, right? Right. And I really don't care if anyone thinks any of the things on my list are kind of unimportant or dumb because they are important to me and I accomplished a small goal for myself! And that's always great! So, without further ado, my 2 completed items on my list....

1. Go on a missions trip out of the country (completed December 08-January 09)
2. Learn to braid my own hair (completed March 09)

So, that's that. I'm estimating that by the end of the summer I may be able to complete 2 more things....4 at the MOST. We shall see!

In other news...tomorrow is SUNDAY! I absolutely love Sundays. I am so thankful for Forest Lake Baptist Church and the people and my Pastor and his family and just how God is working there in fantastic ways! I love love love the new praise team and I think they are doing an excellent job. I thoroughly enjoy being involved in helping to enhance worship by playing the piano and keyboard [not at the same time, mind you]. God is doing great things and I'm so glad I get to witness it firsthand.

In other other news...tomorrow night I'm going to a free Avalon concert at First Assembly. A month or so ago, my mom and I went to a Denver and TMHO concert there, which was also free. It was really fun and so we decided to go wait in a tremendously long line again and see Avalon...for FREE! Sounds like a good Sunday night mom-date to me!

Lastly, my speech from this stupid retainer is getting a little better...I think at least...or I'm just getting used to how I sound haha....eh...whatever.

alright....I will leave you with this wonderful picture of me and my buddy Krista on our date to Walmart because neither of us have lives...i love her so much!!!! and yeah...we so hood...haha NOT.

New Retainer

This is going to be a short one, I think...

So, I wear a permanent retainer because my teeth are not very...sturdy? I guess? And it actually has 2 false teeth on it so I HAVE to wear it. [I know...that's kind of weird, but hey, at least I have a full set of teeth! haha] Anyways, one of the teeth broke off of the retainer earlier this week. I went to the orthodontist and he fixed it, but it's a little different than the one before. He made it thicker in some places so that it wouldn't break again. And well....now, I have retainer voice. Haha, you know where everything "shounds like thish". Oh man...hopefully that goes away in a couple days. Should be an interesting day at church tomorrow!

Sho...until nexsht time! :)

He's All I Need

We all have needs in life. We need oxygen. We need food and water. We need a shelter to protect us from the weather. We need clothing. These are all necessities. I find myself falling into the trap of turning "I want" into "I need". Now it's not, "I want that ice cream". It's "I neeeeed that ice cream". Haha! Of course, that's a silly example. But here's a more serious one. I've turned "I want relationships" into "I need relationships". And I'm not just talking about a guy/girl relationship. I'm talking everything.
In college, I could define myself by who my friends were. They were always there. I had that tight core group of friends that I would be with pretty much 24 hours a day. At the start of the Spring '08 semester, I no longer had 2 of my best friends at school with me. I learned [or thought I learned, but apparently not completely] that Jesus Christ should be my closest friend, not only when I am lonely, but also when I have lots of friends around. It was knowing that He was always going to be with me that got me through those first few weeks of being a Senior with no super close friends. And I think because I surrendered my situation to Him and gave Him free reign to be my best friend, He opened doors and opportunities for me to develop new relationships with people I thought least likely that I would become close with.
Now, I am home. Things here are so very much different than being at Clearwater. It's just me and my parents. I go to church and there's really nobody there my age to be with. I have no job. I have a few friends that live closeby but schedules don't usually seem to work out. I have found myself bemoaning my relationship situation the past couple weeks. I sit here thinking, "I am friendly but...I have no friends" or "I am so lonely".
I can't seem to get it through my thick head that Jesus has always been, is, and will always be my BEST friend. He loves me more than an amazing friend would love me. He loves me more than a boyfriend would love me. He loves me more than the most loving husband loves his wife. It is sadly overwhelming as I sit here and think that He is kind of like a "back burner" idea that I turn to when everything else fails. He should be the one most forward in my head at all times because He is the most important thing in my life. He loves me so much and is there with open arms and a listening ear. Why don't I run to Him?
It reminds me of the Bethany Dillon song, "All I Need". A line in the song says, "There's a fire in my bones, I'm not afraid to go alone. You're all I need". I shouldn't be afraid or upset about being alone or going anywhere alone. I'm never alone. Jesus Christ is all I need. Period.

"All I Need"

When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need
There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need
You're all I need
The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need
You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You